Romney/Santorum/Bachman Slash Fiction ~yummy sex time

The night was unreasonably cold, even for November, and yet Rick Santorum felt as warm as a summer day, as warm as he always felt in his lover’s arms. As he gazed down at the screaming throngs gathered to celebrate his victory over Barack Obama, he knew that he could not continue to live in secret if he was going to be president, and so he had made his decision. He turned and gazed into the eyes of his wife, Kanre, knowing that he was about to break her heart but also knowing it would be worth it.

For love.

submitted by investigationinprocess

Rick tugged on the bottom of his sweater vest and cleared his throat into the microphone, instantly silencing the crowd that was frothing with excitement below.

"Gentlemen and others," he spake. "I am incredibly proud to be with you all tonight, but more proud that in two short months I will be ruling over this proud country by the side of my one true love. Mittens, come on out."

From behind the curtain emerged Mitt Romney, and as Rick locked eyes with him he was brought back to memories of long nights in Montana, keeping each other warm on cold nights like these, drinking champagne mixed with the blood of poor single mothers, and knowing everything would be all right.

Mitt stepped forward and took his place beside Rick at the podium, sliding one hand underneath his sweater best. Just the thought of the celebration they would surely have tonight threatened to make him hard, but he swallowed and prepared to continue his speech.

Just then a helicopter appeared from up above. Rick saw a small smile appear on Karen’s face and a ladder lowered from the helicopter, carrying Michele Bachmann. The women threw their arms around each other and began kissing passionately, tongues darting in and out of mouths rapidly. Rick didn’t care what his wife did anymore, but he couldn’t handle this sort of filth occurring on his night. His and Mitt’s.

"God, Karen, America is a no homo zone now!" he yelled. Mitt glared, nodding his agreement while his thumb made small circles on Rick’s back.

"Fine!" Kanre yelled back. "We’ll just go scissor in the helicopter, like we’ve been doing for years." As the helicopter carried the two women away Rick felt nothing but further excitement for his own night.

His campaign manager, who until then had been lingering near the edge of the stage, hurried over. Covering the mic he whispered, “Why are you doing this? You are destroying your presidency before it has begun!”

Rick forced his hand away from the mic, leaned forward and said with all the passion that burned in his loins:

Yolo.

Later that night in the hotel room Rick and Mitt made vigorous love while Barack made his concession speech on the television. Even as Mitt’s lust-filled screams of “buttsex!" filled the room, Rick couldn’t tear his eyes and ears away from Barack making his speech. God, he always looked so good…sometimes Rick wondered if Barack ever thought about that night together…

No, he couldn’t think like that anymore. That was a year ago. Mitt could never know. He felt incredible non-homo love for Mitt. But every time he saw the president (ex-president) all those old feelings emerged like a hardening penis from crotchless boxers.

It was time to let those feelings go. He had a new love now, and to prove his love he took over as top as Barack’s speech came to a close. With each thrust he tried to block out Barack’s face, the sound of that incredible voice, but it couldn’t be helped.

And so as he climaxed powerfully he made plans to deport Barack as soon as he became president. Back to Hawaii or whatever godforsaken country he had come from. It would hurt, but it was the only way.

"You okay?" Mitt asked from below, noticing Rick had gone quiet.

"I’m…sugoi," he replied. At least, he would be.

  1. morticianzombie reblogged this from lawlspy
  2. lawlspy reblogged this from polishippers and added:
    Guiz GUIZ
  3. falcorn-fhotography reblogged this from polishippers and added:
    I just cant even >.< this is almost too crack
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